Friday, January 28, 2005

What happens is not fated, not planned, not God sent - it's self inflicted

Many a times in the bible and in histories, many outcomes of tragedies or unfortunate incidents were really self inflicted - When Saul went on a killing rampage...and was struck blind by God...and was then renamed Paul...Self - inflicted, when the Romans who were persecuting the Jews thruout history had there empire fall...Self - inflicted, when i decided that it wud be okay to lie to my mum days before the PSLE to play basketball, fell and bled all over...Self - inflicted, some times bad things happen just to wake us up... let us know...let us realise how much we're taking for granted...

We do these things to ourselves...we decide that killing ourselves with cigarettes, drugs, sex, alcohol, work is all worth it...then shit happens and all we do is blame God...The big guy takes the blame for all the shit we do...How weird is that...

If we take a look at ourself and all we're taking for granted, we'll know the wars that are fought, the killings and rapings and robbing that is going on has in some way got to do with us...when we're out with frens having a good dinner or sitting on a comfortable sofa at home lazing away watching the tele...there are those that are fighting, killing and raping...and what do we do to help...Complain and bitch about the bastards out there... But when we are rude to our parents, lie to family and frens, talk behind peoples' back or just simply watse precious time doing nothing, we dun complain, we dun bitch about ourselves...why is that?

Self - Infliction...let's just stop that...

Music soothes the savage beast

ok,
i'm here again...life after death...hmm...i wudn't so much as call it ''life'' but more of ''soul'' ( from a religion point of view) and ''being'' (from a not so religious P.O.V.) Many a times, questions bother us about wat comes after life...well, here's how i see it...the "2nd" life, so to speak is like a farmer reaping in what he has sown...It is obvious to all how good and bad are clearly distinguished and if one were to have led a 'good' life, the "2nd" life will be a reward stage while a "bad" life will be having to pay for what had been done...

Death has always been viewed as a sad and unfortunate thing but there isn't much to be sad about or to fear...We sud be celebrating, in fact, the life that has been well lived and the experiences, joy AND sadness that we have gained from being in contact or having known that individual...We sud be looking forward to the day where things become clear...where we know the reason for our existence and meet the one who created us...

That brings me to my next point which is the reason for this blog...Music...for long enough now, music has managed to slip me by due to the busy schedule i had to endure... So, the past few days and nights i've been blasting my music in my bunk...This is where i understand how many have become so deep in the thought that all things related to death is a bad thing...let's put it this way...how many songs about death have you heard with an up tempo and celebratory mode...then there are the loads of music which celebrates life and it's wonders...and of cos those that bitch about it...you see... the media has taken control of the minds of humans, telling them that it SUD be a sad thing if someone were to pass away and that you sudn't be sad because somehow when they do die...they'll be around in spirit...dun you realise that songs give us no choice but to see death as a sad parting...why is this so?

Everyone or at least most people i know...drag themselves through life, bitching and wasting away what they themselves view as precious...LIFE... and when it comes to death there are only regrets and sadness...All the 'sud haf's sudn't have been...Why wait till the very last moment to realise all the things you wanna do...DO IT NOW!! or in the well put phrase of NIKE - JUST DO IT!

Let the last few moments on earth be those where you say in gladness "This has been a good life...i've done all i wanted to and experienced all that i was fortunate to have been thru.."

Let the last thing you leave in the world not be money, property, wealth, sadness or regrets...Let it not even be family or memories....

Let it be a smile...

Thursday, January 27, 2005


The Cube...again Posted by Hello

Maine, Rick & Rome Posted by Hello

My Bike - Ah Beng Siah...Now it's just BLACK! Posted by Hello

The Matrix ( Re-re-reloaded) Posted by Hello

The 3 Stooges Posted by Hello

The RSAF Beret Posted by Hello

At East Coast Posted by Hello

The Cube made out of Straws Posted by Hello

The Wings & JCC Posted by Hello

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

A cube...

Haha,

Just had to boast...Today, i made a cube out of straws...it wasn't easy but with the help of some tape, i managed to pull it off...quite nicely i must add...haha just boasting...i'll post the pic once i can...

Simple but complicated...hmm...much like women...

Ciao,
JERMZ

We are all human

So, i was wondering how life turned our this way...Why i had a girl's name...for both my Christian and Chinese name...Jermaine and Chye Leng...hmm...how did i get here...Today, sitting through the lesson wasn't that bad as i thought it wud be...didn't fall asleep...no 'Z' monsters to fight and just sitting there thinking about life while life just moved on...

Alot of how i've become and the way that i am is actually a make up of how i've been through life so far...Just a reminder to myself of the journey taken...

AT THE BEGINNING

At a very young age, i was so called adopted out because of my family's financial situation...I have 6 siblings and am very proud to be part of the 'jean gang'...All i can remember of my childhood was mostly at toa payoh where the family who had to put up with me stayed...and of cos the weekends when i return home to my siblings...swam in the 'pool' we had at home which was a blow up thing and playing with my brothers and sisters...a little bit older...my life revolved around church...serving as an altar boy with my elder brother and trying to be like him...as much as i could...he was and still is the genious of the family...playing soccer b4 and after mass and scouting...Yes, i was a scout and preety good at it too...At the age of 8, i was the 2I/C of my cohort for national day parade...was made a sixer and eventually a senior sixer...cud pitch my own tent, single-handedly, enjoy photography at the age of 11 and got a gash in my head at primary 6.

Then, things begin to change, started smoking in primary 5...played truant, fell for a primary school teacher who taught me music...picked u the guitar, cudn't put it down...went to Fajar Sec School for a year...had a big argument with the principal (Did pretty well...by the end of the year was transfered to the best class)...transfered to Assumption English School (my alma-mater)...joined a gang...started fighting in school...picked up drinking, gambling...the works. Fought with my dad, dared him to throw me into Boys' Town...which he did...stayed there for 2 years...this is where things changed...

Worked really hard for the big 'o's, got into Mass Communications course in Ngee Ann Poly...met a gal...and things changed again...short lived glory...

Had to repeat a module...spent 3and the half years there...got my diploma...with really crappy grades. Went out with a secondary school sweetheart. Dad left, irresponsible...Got enlisted...Wanted badly to get into OCS..."cheong' my way there, got commissioned...joined 3SIR for a while, then got a letter to go for airgrading to join the air force as a pilot...

Got all the way to the 14 sortie out of 15, got offered a position as a WSO(FTR)...took it up without hesitation and now I am here in OCS once again serving my service term for my conversion to the air force... then i broke up with my baby of 4 yrs...

Life, indeed has been a roller coaster ride...with times at the peak and many other times at the base...

But, it's at the base where life starts to take shape...Oh, did i mention i picked up MahJong...

THE FUTURE

For now, it seems that the possiblities are endless...There's so much i'm looking forward to and with so much regrets in my past, it seems the future ain't all that bad...Take whatever gets thrown in my face...Decided never to get married...never let myself fall in love...had enough...be it my family who made me decide this or on my own accord...enough is enough...So wat if i have an instructor who has a sister with the same name as me who is coincidentally the same age...Jermaine is a great name for great people...haha...self glory...

So wat if my 'regrets' list has piled up...ain't that life and aren't we all just human...



Monday, January 24, 2005

Learning Organisation?

okay,
so here i am again, another routine day at air wing, ocs. Today the cadets had learning organisation lesson and i learnt quite alot from them...like the way the cadets can just come up with something from nothing and that there are afew individuals who have strong beliefs and values.

Looking at the way they went about the day made me realise how things are different as a cadet and an officer. I understand how i was viewed once as a cadet and how i ought to have done things. Leardership takes on a whole new concept for me. To get things done, one cannot take things into his own hands and work like a dog...as an officer, delegation of work is important. There are so many other things to worry about and handle. If i, for example, were to take everything that has been thrown to me and try to get things done the 'right' way, or the way i think will be most efficient or effective, i will only be digging a grave so deep, it'd be hard for me to not have myself buried by my own doings...

Getting a team together and delegating the workload is, somehow, the only way to go. Preparation also is of great importance. Today, as a last minute 'arrow' to conduct a core values lesson, i let the cadets view a show i myself have not seen, and unfortunately it was a low budget film which i thought, after watching it, had no value watsoever.

But, to my surprise, the cadets seem to have notice more of the film than i myself had. They came out with points and lessons about discipline and loyalty to country. Amazing...but as i said they can just come up with something when in fact it's nothing...as least for me...

I also realise, with the short SMSes with my ex during the lesson, that many things i have taken for granted. She is one individual i have learnt alot from...

Having a goal always makes life easier and more meaningful...without one life WILL no dount be a drag...so for now, i have short and long term goals...Short term - my fitness, the weekends, CNY, my bike, improve and understand MahJong... Long term - my wings, a car when i get back, savings for a rainy day, a closer and stable relationship with God and my family, a degree and a career i enjoy.

Now, back to my bunk to 'lepak' one corner and watch abit of TV.

Friday, January 21, 2005


Here i go... Posted by Hello

Art Posted by Hello

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

The day i knew...

I always wondered why i had to return to OCS to do Air Force service term...didn't make sense...I'd been thru all this crap before...but y? I had just broken up with a gal i loved and haf been with for 4 years...so y?

Then i look at the cadets going thru the 'heaven' which is air wing...the regimentation cannot be compared to that of BRAVO wing...the 'Dog' unit...But i made it...i'm more an officer comparatively...Though still a 2nd Lieutanant i'll be off to pensacola in April and i know with what i've been thru, i'll make it...A WSO(FTR)...

I never knew what a WSO(FTR) was...but now more than ever i want to be one...I want to belong to a group of never say die officers who take all in their stride...i want to be part of this team of extrodinary individuals who know not what lies ahead but still galantly accept the unknown...An officer...

Now, when i look back it seems like all i've been thru has lead up to this...So now i go back as an officer on course in Air Wing and know...this is just a phase...

Monday, January 17, 2005

170105

The first blog...more to come...links and pics on the way...