This chapter of my life is coming to a close...

A couple of months before i came over, i decided it would be a good idea to keep a journal/log book on how my life has changed and the events that took place...

There have been many good times and numerous bad ones but i must say, this has indeed been a interesting ride...To all i have offended or bitched about...I am truly sorry and though you may never get a chance to read this...if i have been a jerk to you, I am sincerely apologetic...

As i approach the end of my stay here...so must the blogging come to an end...So i have decided that this will be my last blog...at least for this blog, my very first blogging experience that i will read every now and then and have laughs and tears as i do...

Ever had a mix of feelings so intense you have no idea what the fuck is going on...well, no i am there...and i don't want to talk about it...I, like many others, am filled with flaws and rough edges that somehow in this phase of life i have somehow smoothen out or made even sharper...and i don't really care because this is me and i like it this way...live with it...I am not going to change for any random person...I've found out that i am actually a very quiet soul...a person who feels too much about too many things and most importantly i am a family person more than anything else...i am proud, boastful, sacastic but yet i am quiet and to myself most of the time...

Today i am happy for another, happy for myself, happy to have made this trip...but i am ready now from this retreat to return home and be me...This trip, for me, was a get away, was a get to know myself, was ... a retreat more than anything else...I have kept my eyes open to the people, the life and shut my mouth for as long as i can...whenever i can...and in this process, i have found myself...I have been dependant on many...now, and when i was in the jungles of brunei....i know i do not need anyone to get through this life....it would be nice though if i can find the one...

I've realised how much pain i have caused many, how insensitive i've been, and how unfilial i was....these i will change...the first step into Singapore soil will be one that will be life changing...

when anyone asks me what i did in Pensacola...my reply would be....

"I found myself!"

Tears of pain, joy and hope....

JERMZ - for the last time...

The yellowbook is now closed...happily ever after...

Things i have done, experienced...

The list will grow once i think of it...

- Disney World Orlando
- Universal Studios Orlando
- 6 Flags Atlanta
- Yellowstone Park Montana
- Vegas Nevada
- Biloxi Alabama
- Destin Florida
- Dog track / Car race - P'cola
- American Football Game Norfolk Virginia
- Shootout Virginia Beach Virginia
- F14 Tomcat Sunset Oceana Virginia
- Airshow Blue Angels Pensacola
- Flew Piper Warrior (YFC), CT-4B (Tamworth, AUS), T-6A Texan, T-39 Sabreliner, T-2C (P'cola FL, USA)
- Charleston South Carolina
- Big Ass Beer Memphis Tennessee
- Corpus Christi Texas
- Drive 40MPH above highway speed limit of 70MPH
- Get pulled over 3 times in the first 3 months
- Evacuated from hurricans

and the list will grow...just keeping tabs of the things i should be thankful for...

When the finishing line is just a stone's throw away...

There's so much to do before i get my WINGS...

- Wire funds back home
- Extend Licence and Cach Card
- Finish my flights
- Sell car
- Pack luggages
- Get tickets home
- Pass down notes and stuff

Here's what my next few days are going to be like

3oct - BFM 1
4oct - BFM 2
5oct - BFM 3
6oct - Safety Stand Down - No Fly Day
7-9oct - Official holiday (Columbus Day 2nd monday in Oct)
10oct - BFM 4
11oct - BFM 5/6
12oct - WEPs 3 (Soft Wings - Fingers crossed!)
20oct - Hard Winging

It's going to be 2 more long weeks to go. And today MONDAY 2 OCT 2006 did not start off well...there's so much to look forward to, so much load to bear eventually, so much food to eat!!!!

7 events, 6 more flights, 11 more days...Lord, help me through this last phase...

I offer my life into your hands...

I will be back soon...

Hopefully, i will get a week off to settle my stuff, get some gifts, meet my dajie - if possible...we'll just have to wait and see now, won't we....

Jermz - 182598/021006/2219hrP'cola

Somehow...

...i know you're reading this...

...i know that you're praying for me...

...i know that you care...

...i care for you too...

...you know who you are...

...and i know you...

...thank you...

...really...

...thank you...

You are always in my prayers...and you have my love....always!


Jermz

You don't care, you don't know...
I close the door and shut the window...
Cos no one listens anymore...
No one listens anymore...

I crouch in the corner and hug my knees...
Can anyone out there hear my pleas...
My tears they burn, my eyes are sore...
Cos no one listens anymore...

Cos you don't know what it's like...
To cry in the rain...
Hold my heart in your hands...
Baby, can you feel the pain...

I hold your hand but you're not there...
Into your empty eyes i stare...
All my feelings i can pour...
But you don't listen anymore...

Cos you don't know what it's like...
To cry in the rain...
Hold my heart in your hands...
Baby, can you feel the pain...

I can speak to the world...
And no one will care...
I've made up my mind...
I'll always be there...

But you don't know what it's like...
To cry in the rain...
You can tell me you that hate me...
But Baby, I don't feel the same...

Baby, can you feel the pain...

She called...

This week less words...

She Called!!

I'm Very Happy she did!!

and i realised...

He who measures his worth by what he has accomplished is proud and selfish...SHUN

He who measures his worth by what his friends see him as is foolish and pathetic...PITY

He who measures his worth by what he is in the eyes of GOD is wise and always happy...FOLLOW!

I love so i am...

Jermz - A month and 4 days to go...if it be his will...

The Girl Behind The Guitar...

Sharon's in beijing this weekend...hope she's having fun! Argh...anyways...

Is there anything hotter than a girl in aviators...behind a guitar? haha well, had the whole weekend to study but didn't really get quite down to it till like about...in an hour's time...so...figured out Yellow by coldplay...finally...and then it reminded me of times at walaS years ago just sitting there drinking beer and seeing Shirlyn play..."boy! that chick is really hot..." and i couldn't help but kept going back just to "listen to music"...well, i was...went back over the Xmas hols and went there for my bday and couldn't help but notice how much HASN'T changed...i still think she's cute behind that guitar (any gal for that matter), still thinks she has a great voice...anyways...found out she's doing pretty well back home and am really glad to know that at least one of us has the balls to venture into the SINGAPORE MUSIC INDUSTRY...which is pretty much non-existant...but heck...she did it...still climbing that ladder she's making all by herself...UnXpected! Amazing that you guys have stayed together all these years...missed jamming with my buddies in the old days and hugging my guitar to sleep, playing it in the dark...knowing that i wouldn't make it...well, Kudos to you guys...all the best...

And Miss Shirlyn Tan...JERMAINE IS A GUY'S NAME!!!!

Hmm...Sharon must be having a balluva time in beijing...She hasn't called...yet...i hope...arghh...

Need to chair fly...mental flying...Emergency procedures....arghh...

Take me home...to a place i know is safe...take me home

Jermz

Things we take for granted...

You know how when you drive and you just know the speed you're driving at just by the quick glances you take at the speedometer...and how you somehow just know that a decision you've made is the right one way before you understand why...and how when you lay in bed and think of that someone, you somehow know that that someone is thinking of you too...and how when you need to pee in the middle of the night, you can somehow just find your way to the toilet and go...how when you press the strings on a guitar, your other hand just knows which strings to pluck...

Memory...

Unknowingly, after doing some things so many times over, you don't have to think about it and you just know how to do it and how it's done...like eating, breathing, smiling...etc...yes evening thinking about someone and knowing you're thought of too...The sad truth to it all is that after awhile this 'ought to know' second nature disintegrates...

There was a man who had an accident and lost his memory retaining ability...he would cry not knowing where he was and what he was doing...but he would still always ask for his mother even though she had passed away...and this is because, i think, somehow everyone knows deep down inside that when shit hits the fan, there's one person who somehow knows how to make things better...the one person no one ever forgets...maybe God made our being this way...I have been known to have terrible, terrible memory...no focus...but somehow every now and then i suddenly remember something that happened that i am not sure if it did happen in the first place...i know this sounds weird...and contradicting but i think i somehow block out memories unknowingly and then many years later they come back and i have to do sanity checks to make sure they happened...so i guess making journals ain't such a bad thing...

In 'The Notebook', she loses her memory but when she sits in front of a piano, she just knows how to play it, and every now and then she'll 'come back' and remember the one she loves...then she'd go again...I guess my point is...If there's anything you love, you should keep doing it...you can read that in any way you want but it just makes sense....i see many people doing things they do not enjoy or like and it's sad to know that we spend so much of our time putting into memory what is more like a job than something you enjoy...and why the hell do i keep using 'you' when i write? argh...you see, i always write in 3rd person and somehow i think it shouldn't be...shouldn't a journal be in first person...arghh...well...you get my drift...there i go again...

I admire the people who are genuinely out there to help, they do the one thing they know makes their day...and when they go home, they separate themselve from their 'job' and live life...I guess we are putting too much effort into making money and making it out for ourselves that we don't really live...then what's the point? A job should just be there as a means to live...not the other way round...I guess i am guilty of taking my job too seriously that i forget sometimes the reason why i am doing it...so to put things into perspective and prioritize...God comes first, living second, family and friends...and a job is not even on the list...it's just a means...TO LIVE!!

Digression once again...but then it brings me back to my main point which is...we, at one time or another, take things for granted...and the thing is, whenever we do remember...put things into perspective...